Never
by rafiela
Summary: This is a sequel to Promise. Stefan's POV on the 6x10 and the Steroline hug. R&R! Thank you!


**AN: This is a sequel to _Promise. _Where I try, once again, to dissect Stefan's beautiful head for his thoughts on that amazing (!) Steroline hug. I didn't want to write in first person anymore, seeing as I failed so miserable last time (sorry), but when I was forming this in my head, it was always in Stefan's voice. This isn't beta-ed and I only read through it twice (i think), but I hope you like it. Again, reviews are my drug. Thanks!**

* * *

It has to be me.

I say it again and again and again until I'm sure I understand what it is I'm about to do. In the surprisingly comfortable chair right outside Liz's window, I say it again. _It has to be me._ I don't trust anyone else to break the news and handle the reaction it will leave in its wake. But I have to make sure I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons.

I admit that I realize this will allow me to be there for her, it will allow me to finally have my chance. So I dig and dig and dig until I get to the bottom of my thoughts and find the courage to admit that doing this might help me mend things with her. And it's so stupid and selfish and cruel to think such thoughts but I know that it's the right thing to do. Because even though I've hurt her so many times, even though we're barely speaking to each other an hour and a half ago, I know without a doubt that she'd rather have me there with her when she hears it. And that gives me more than enough courage for the two of us.

As I round the corner to the waiting area, I shake every selfish thought I have in my head. I've had 6 months to be selfish.

As she comes into view, slumped shoulders and downcast eyes, I say a silent prayer to the gods I'm not even sure exist. _If there's only one thing I can ask from you, let it be this: after all the shit you've thrown her way, and I know there's many more where that came from, please let her know she's never alone. That I'm always here. Because I am. Always._

I think of all the times I let her down, all the big bold promises I broke and barely even apologized for. I'm a dick.

So I amend my prayer. _Please don't ever allow her to feel alone. If it has to be someone else other than me, just don't leave her to be alone. She doesn't deserve it. _

After everything that has happened, everything she's done, I know full well how capable she is, how strong. But I also know how it feels like to stand against the entire world, and I never want her to know how that feels.

* * *

As I make my way to where she is, I watch her play with the silly little snow globe I have long since forgotten. I hits me yet again how big of a jerk I have been to this incredibly amazing best friend of mine and for the 83rd time that day I promise to devote the rest of my eternity making up for it.

The snow globe twirls on her palm and it reminds me of much simpler lives we were living several years back - her having a silly little crush on the new guy and the new guy falling madly in love (?) with the _it _girl.

I try not to laugh at how some things have changed yet have remained the same after so long. Except this time the tables have turned and the characters have changed and the no-longer-new guy is no longer madly in love with the no-longer-it girl and might be harboring secret _silly little crush _feelings for the new _it _girl.

"Hey."

Her eyes light up and her lips curl into _that smile_ and I find myself wishing this was happening in a completely different universe - one where she doesn't get hurt and no one dies and we all live happily ever after. An alternate universe where she's smiling because she's absolutely, ultimately, inexplicably happy like she deserves to be, a universe where I'm her happily ever after_. _

Silently, I wish that universe could be this one.

But she takes a deep breath and her smile falters and we're back to being _barely friends _in a bustling rural hospital where I'm about to deliver news that will surely break her heart.

I have to close my eyes and shift my gaze as I find her building back her walls that I've already broken down once upon a time. When I open my lids, I meet hers. _You don't have to pretend with me. _

And because I'm done with pretending myself, I begin. "We need to talk."

* * *

I've had time to prepare myself for how the conversation and the reaction it will draw and I know her well enough to be able to predict four outcomes. She will either deny, rectify, or find the silver lining, but I knew she was most likely to do go for the fourth option, all three. I was prepared for all for possibilities. But I wasn't ready for the pain I watched flood into her eyes.

"That just doesn't make sense..." _Deny._

"We'll just give her vampire blood..." _Rectify. _

_"_They don't know her... They don't know how strong she is. She's gonna get through this." _Find the silver lining._

I listen to her convince herself of her last sentence, every word faltering slightly in certainty. She catches my eyes and I know I've failed to mask the flood of emotions in my chest.

"Right?"

She looks to me then, pleading me with her eyes, to tell her what she wants to hear, but if I want to break down her walls, I know I will have to put down mine as well.

I allow my eyes to tell her everything my mouth refuses to say, and those I've been dying to say.

I have been waiting for the moment when she will allow me to gather her into my arms again, to allow me to be there for her again. But if this is the only circumstance in which I'm granted that longing, I'd gladly live for the rest of eternity without feeling her skin on mine.

When the first tear rolls down her cheek, I pull her to my chest, equally feeding my need and hers. I wrap my arms around her, hoping they protect her from any more of the pain that's sure to come. I feel her melt into my embrace. I feel her pain through the tremble of her heart, I hear it in the shaking of her sob, in the way she clutches my arm.

I've never seen her so broken and, in that moment, her tears trailing down my chest, I've never been so sure of anything else: _I will never leave you alone._

* * *

**AAN: If you have any prompts for me, send me a message here or on Tumblr, the link to which is in my profile. Thank you for reading. Constructive criticism is always welcome. **


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